Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy Valentines Day to the Best Man I Know...

My Dearest Dennis,

Over the last few years I have tried a million times to tell you how I feel about you but I have never had the strength nor the courage. It seems silly I know. After all we have been together since we were 17 years old. We married at 20 and had our baby girl at 21, and our miracle baby boy at 33. Here we are about to turn 39 and we have been together for nearly half of our lives. And I can't talk to you...

It's not what you think, sweet man.
I am not going to tell you anything bad.
The kids are OK, I am OK. Everything is fine.

I know the last 5 years have been difficult.
This battle I am fighting with my health seems to be unending.
I know you will not agree.
You would never say I have made life hard for us.
You are far too kind and selfless.
That's why it has been hard for me to tell you how grateful I am to you.

Although we have never lived a life of luxuries or frivolities, I AM happy.
I do not need fancy clothes, cars, or homes to know I am loved.
I have you.

Although we have struggled at times to pay the bills, buy food, and keep a roof over our heads, I never wanted for anything.
I KNOW I am safe and will never go hungry.
I have you.

Although my health has steadily declined since Cameron was born 5 years ago, my life has had meaning and purpose.
I have a GREAT life.
Because I have you.

You and I have had a thousand conversations about why we always seem to have to fight harder than some couples do for the simple things in life. But I have come to realize that even though we have never lived an easy life, we have lived a life filled with true, honest, giving love. We have watched marriages fail all around us. The truth is the bones of our love story do not rest in the material things. They reside in the fact that we always knew the most valuable thing we have is each other.

As I have struggled to keep up my end of our relationship as my health has gotten and continues to get worse, you have not only become the sole income for our family but on many days, the dishwasher, cook, and housekeeper. I have cried myself to sleep many nights at the guilt of putting all of this additional weight upon your shoulders. I have fought self-hatred.

And yet every time I try to tell you, you shrug me off. Tell me not to worry or that I am being silly. But I know how hard it is on you. And yet you have never wavered. You have never let me feel bad. You have only picked up my heart and made me fight a little longer.

I do not know what I would ever do without you.
You give me strength.
You love me until my heart hurts.
You work harder than any man I know.
You make the kids and I your only priority.
You are honest, caring, and devoted.

I love you.
Deeply and from the core of my soul.
You have made me a better person.
You have given me the two greatest gifts of my life, our babies.
I will proudly grow as old as I can with you.
But when the day comes for us to part ways on this Earth I want you to know two things.

I have had a WONDERFUL life and I have NO regrets.
And I will be waiting for you in Heaven.

All of my love always,
Tam

17 comments:

LexyB February 13, 2009 at 4:32 AM  

I think you are going to make me bawl. Quit it. That's waaaay too poignant and lovely.

Patti February 13, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

May the Lord help your health to improve.
I am living proof that God can bring good out of bad - even life & death struggles.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Blessings,
Patti
http://37blessings.blogspot.com

We are THAT Family February 13, 2009 at 1:57 PM  

Bless your heart! This was so sweet and touching. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health.

I pray God heals you and you have many more wonderful days to love on your great hubby!

Heather February 13, 2009 at 10:00 PM  

What a sweet letter! Thank you for sharing it with us. I'll be praying for you.

littletoesandcheerios February 13, 2009 at 11:45 PM  

That was awesome! Great gift for him!

Jingle February 14, 2009 at 10:31 AM  

This is wonderful! Happy Valentine's Day! And thank you for being a follower of my blog!

The Domestic Diva Wanna-Be February 15, 2009 at 3:35 AM  

Aww! Thanks for stopping by Lexy!
I kinda feel like a Supastar having you pop over to my humble little blog!
Thanks!

The Domestic Diva Wanna-Be February 15, 2009 at 3:36 AM  

Patti:

Thanks for stopping by my blog. That was really kind and also for the sweet thoughts and prayers on my health. You are too kind!

The Domestic Diva Wanna-Be February 15, 2009 at 3:41 AM  

Thanks for the super sweet comments Kristy and for allowing me to participate in your carnival. I had a lot of fun!

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)
Tammy

The Domestic Diva Wanna-Be February 15, 2009 at 3:42 AM  

Heather:
Thanks SO much, you are too kind!
Thanks for stopping!

The Domestic Diva Wanna-Be February 15, 2009 at 3:46 AM  

littletoesandcheerios:
I thought your love story was incredibly sweet too! Thanks for the compliments and stopping by my blog.
Tam♥

The Domestic Diva Wanna-Be February 15, 2009 at 3:49 AM  

Jennifer:
Thanks SO much for stopping by! Please pop by again!

cara harjes February 16, 2009 at 8:57 AM  

i love that you can still write a letter like this after 17 years. what beauty!!!

Gloria February 16, 2009 at 10:57 AM  

TAM.......Just stubbled upon your blog.......!

Ah...life isn't easy but if your wise enough to cultivate love it doesn't make it bareable; as you know.
I too have fibromyalia along with a host of illness due to LUPUS...I am curious have they DX you with a primary auto immune disease?

I have a blog where I post a lot of information for persons who have physical and emtional disabilities or disease if you will.

Go to www.peercounseling-gloria.blogspot.com or just click on my comment and go to my blog called Got Coffee?

I read your bio in your profile and you make me laugh and smile.......you and I are alike in the area of Tell it like it is!!!

I have a big heart and I too love heart but I will tell ya like it is.

I look forward to following your blog and if you ever need someone to talk to concerning your health problem in other words you would like to talk with someone who understands what your going through and need a listening ear or support feel free to email me at my personal email
gaprater@yahoo.com

Gloria in MA

Laura Ingalls Gunn February 16, 2009 at 10:45 PM  

I am a bit late in visiting via the SWAK carnival, but what a great post!

cara harjes February 25, 2009 at 11:19 AM  

hey tam,
shoot me an email with your address and i will send you the book that you won over on my marriage mix blog when i go to the post office this afternoon!
thanks!
cara

carlyluvsunited March 7, 2009 at 2:10 AM  

You made me cry, that is so beautiful. Wish I could find a man as good as your man sounds x

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